Probably less alone than I’ve been in years and years

Oats is out of town, visiting our relatives back in Ontario, and I miss her like crazy. I’m resisting the urge to fill every moment of the next 5 days with social events, even as it’s a little compelling… But I used to spend so much time alone, and I want to remember what it feels like. Though, truthfully Oats and I don’t necessarily socialize with each other every day: We share meals and conversations, sure, but are both pretty focused on our own seperate projects and pass-times. It’s good, I mean. I’d go crazy if I had to always be “on”, and I like that we’re each up in our own heads a lot. Still, it feels lonely, without her here. I’m trying to savour the ache of it.

As I write this, of course, I can hear Sum and the Captain talking quietly upstairs in their apartment, and one of their nutty cats bouncing around. I also just got a text from Jag, who is only across the backyard, telling me that Mo and her spent the afternoon together. So, being “alone” is relative. My partner may not be here, but I’m still surrounded by our chosen family, probably less alone than I’ve been in years and years.

It would have been nice if both of us could have gone to see the folks back east, as we have each of the past two autumns.  However, with me only just a couple months into working at a job that pays a living wage (at last!), our budget’s still hella tight.  When it comes right down to it, my parents are more likely to make the trip out to visit us, than are Oats’, so we’ll probably see them in the next several months anyway.  Besides which, her brother and grandparents couldn’t even make it to our wedding last spring, due to health and finances.  So, it made more sense to send Oats on her own.

While in Ontario, Oats is going to Toronto for a day to see each of my sets of parents.  I suppose this is a normal sort of thing, for a daughter-in-law to visit her in-laws, but IT STILL FEELS SO WEIRD.  Not just cuz of the gay thing, though it is funny to think that its only in recent history that Oats’ relationship to my parents really is the boring ol’legal “in-law” (as opposed to outlaw!), but mostly because she’s literally the only person I’ve dated that my family really likes, and I can’t get over it.

Oh sure, they thought a couple of the others were rather nice, but the rest of them apparently have been remembered quite unfavourably, and overall every one of them was declared unsuitable. Sometimes my parents and sisters would wait until after the relationship ended to give me their evaluation. Or not.  Then they’d just make snide remarks, while it was still ongoing.  Thanks, famille.

To be clear, the gender of my dates never seemed to matter:  Instead, it was always their creativity, their social skills, their literary knowledge, their education, their life goals, their handyness… Or total lack thereof.  Yes, snobs! I am from a family of snobs, every single one of us.  Given her quiet nature and working-class background, Oats is a little taken aback, I think, by how much they all like her.  I kinda am too, though it’s also really lovely.  I try to be grateful, to not take it for granted, you know?  But I am also surprised to have a spouse so heartily claimed by my blood kin.

With the consumerist excitement of Oats splurging on a plane ticket, I confess that I did do a little shopping of my own… A congrats-to-myself-cuz-I’m-employed gift!

Heh heh… Okay, this pic is conjuring up Santa, but ignore that for a second!  Because those are new boots on the right, of the Australian variety!  Note my beloved ancient pair on the left, the ones bought secondhand-but-barely-worn in Australia… And how completely sole-less they’d become in the past year.  So, since they cost me $10 AU, and I now have a decent job, the $200 CAN or so for a new pair seemed not as bad as it did 6 months ago.  Especially since I wear them every day, and they go with everything.  Even red leggings and thick cotton socks, or so I thought when taking photos last week… I may now reconsider this.


4 responses to “Probably less alone than I’ve been in years and years

  1. Cool new boots, I have a two year old pair, indentical, original in stout brown.
    On a recent trip to Toronto I bought a pair of crazy horse brown, chisel toe.
    I call them my dashing butch on the town boots. Yours work harder:-)

  2. Heh heh… I knew you’d approve!
    I love the Crazy Horse brown too, but find the chisel toe doesn’t suit me very well, though I was told by many shopkeepers that it’s very stylish. In the end, I realized that I just wanted the same as my old ones, so that’s what I got.
    And as for working hard… Well! These are actually my coddled “femme on the town” boots! Because I need to wear steeltoed boots on the job, and my current pair of those are still in great shape and pretty comfortable… Though getting more and more beat-up every day. When it’s time to replace them, though, I’m totally investing in the steeltoed Blunnies, with the toe kick guard and everything..

  3. well, it seems like the blundstones urge is in the air. i got a pair a couple of weeks ago for work. i tried to put a picture in the comment, but couldn’t figure it out… anyway, i got the steel toes. they’re really nice for slipping on and off while at a client’s house. and i’m also looking forward to them lasting a long time. my boots usually fail where there is stitching over the steel toe, which was just one reason to invest in them.
    on another note, i’ve been really enjoying reading your posts. most of the time, while reading them, in my head i’m thinking “i know, right?!” or “fuck, ya”, etc. i suppose you could say that i identify with a lot of the work related things that you write about (as well as the life stuff too).
    you’re great!
    xoxoxoxoxox em

  4. Awwww, thanks Em! And thanks for visiting with me last month… I’ve missed you. You’re one of my biggest inspirations in choosing this career, you know that? I don’t know that I ever woulda done it if you hadn’t taken the plunge into the trades yourself! <3

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