I’m not very good at my job

This morning my boss returned from a 6-week leave. When we sat down to go over the status of all the projects I’ve been working on in his absence, my summary was that I’m not very good at my job and I think he should hire someone else.


I kill me.

We had a good conversation, actually, including him saying that it shows great self-awareness to acknowledge one’s strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths:  Chatting with strangers, getting events/programs organized, coordinating people/ideas/objects, creating things, self-directed tasks within a team framework.

Weaknesses:  High-pressure sales, cold-calling, repetitive small tasks that don’t have an obvious impact on anything, loneliness.

Look at me, all full of self-awareness!

He asked what I’ll do instead.  I said I think I’ll go back to the trades.  Obviously, he has no idea that I applied for the apprenticeship with hydr0, nor that I’ve been doing my security clearance for the shipyards.  I did tell him that I did not want to sit at a desk alone in an office anymore, so that pretty much precludes staying here.

Then he started talking about virtual assistant services, how you pay a subscription fee to have a team of people do your administrative stuff for you.  “In Mumbai?”  I asked.  “Yes,” he replied, and then went into this whole thing about wanting to hire telemarketers too but being concerned about their accents.  Actually, I guess what he was saying was that people in the province would react badly to the accent he assumes these staff would have, which is more nuanced but still based on some offensive stereotypes.

So now we know that he’s already been thinking of outsourcing my job. Awesome!

(On this topic, I highly recommend the television show Mumbai Calling… General sitcom laughs aside, the way it skewers every day manifestations of race and colonialism is awesome food for thought.)

Tomorrow I’m meeting with him and my other boss/project head, and I suppose we’ll discuss it more then. I haven’t quit, and they haven’t fired me, and I haven’t thought this through very well, to be honest. I feel better though, having most of my cards out on the table.

Among the ones I’m still holding close to my chest is a meeting later this afternoon with a couple people from a local organic baby merchandise company, who are interested in my suitability as a sewing assembly person. I’d do it from home, and it’s piecework, but I’m aquainted with the woman who started the company and it sounds like it could be good. I used to assemble stained glass panels and lamps for a living, and find that sort of crafty labour meditative. Besides which, if it really sucks, it’d be easier to quit than my current gig. Isn’t it horrible, that that’s where I’m at: Evaluating the quit-ability of a job before I even have it? Yeah, I’m really needing some serious career inspiration here.

Oh wow! I just checked my email and found out that there’s a spot at the trade school for Level 2 Electrical, starting in two weeks! So… Maybe I’ll be going back to the classroom for a little while. That’s always good for gaining perspective… Not to mention blog fodder.


2 responses to “I’m not very good at my job

  1. I’m proud of your self-awareness:-)

  2. feralgeographer


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