Aside from trying to finish my program, I’ve been so distracted by all the homophobic bullshit at school that I can’t. even. write. about. it.
I’ve got to complete the work by the end of the month, which makes this a really inopportune time to be getting serious about the language used by my classmates. Yet that’s exactly what I’m doing, partially because I simply can’t study when my ears are constantly picking up remarks that insult my dignity and partially because I need to do something while I’m still a student here, while the administration has to listen to me.
It’s so exhausting. Right now I feel sick to my stomach, because I sat down at my desk this morning just as two students in front of me proclaimed the name “Lesley” to be “totally gay”. These same two students were given warnings for their use of homophobic language only YESTERDAY, which only happened because after the instructors ignored my previous complaints, I went to their office and read them the college’s “zero tolerance” harrassment policy. It may not seem like a big deal, I told them, HOWEVER: When my classmates, who know I’m gay, use the word gay as a synonym for stupid or pathetic or worthless every single day of school, THAT IS HARASSMENT.
Yesterday I had a wonderful talk with the college ombuds, and felt like things were really changing, were really going to be okay. Now I’m just wondering what I’m doing here, why I left academia, how I’ll ever cut it in the trades workforce, what happened to all that hope I had yesterday. Sometimes I’m so naive, so uncynically willing to believe in goodness, and so easily set up for disappointment.
*** UPDATE ***
I just had a good conversation with one of the classmates with the homophobic mouth, and feel a lot better. He still doesn’t get it, but it’s a start.