i just had a complete sobfest freakout because the building manager told me off for the barbecue that we left down in the parking lot in preparation for tomorrow’s birthday party. i’m okay now, but… wow. i don’t know what the fuck is the matter with me, because usually i can handle aggression and confrontation pretty well. there was something about the way this person spoke to me, though: i felt small, and wretched, and bad bad bad. i almost started crying in front of her. instead, i just replied “okay” to everything she said, then closed the door and called oats at work before i started bawling my eyes out. she came home immediately and calmed me down, before going outside and sorting stuff out with the manager. i feel incredibly grateful to her, but also guilty because she had to use a co-op car, and we’ve already had two bookings this past week which puts our usage beyond the credit we get for cleaning one of the cars and our budget is already tight because we’ve decided to visit our families in ontario at thanksgiving. anyway. turns out we actually can have the barbecue, but only on the parking lot itself (not the wooden porch), and the manager apologized to oats for being rude to me. which is nice, but still i feel weirdly on edge. i was supposed to spend the day hanging out with 20-month-old C, but he’s sick… unfortunate for him, not to mention his mom, but also for me because i could really dig some uninhibited neighbourhood exploration and playground time. i need a bike ride.