divorced by choice, not the imposition of homophobic state law

divorced

this photo makes more sense if you watch the video, linked below

i exaggerate: i’m not actually legally divorced, because i’ve never exactly been married, per se.

however, i am the veteran of two common-law domestic arrangements that occasioned shared property and health care benefits as well as discussions of formal marriage ceremonies, in one case going so far as to get the license for such recognition. the genders of the people with whom i was involved in each of these two situations were different, but the time and place being what they were, this was not relevant.

or not in a legal sense, anyway… emotionally, that’s another story.

at any rate, i’m no longer legally attached to a partner, but have been so in the past. when each of those relationships ended, my ex(es) and i divided possessions, agreed on the custody of our dependents (cat and dog), and amended assorted paperwork to reflect our situation. we chose to do this: the dissolution of our legal relationship was associated with our decision to end our romantic relationship.

as is rather common throughout the wider heteronormative world, it was our decision to make.

and really? really, i should be able to take this for granted, but instead i feel damn lucky that i was able to make this decision instead of having the state make it for me. if i didn’t live in this province, in this country, in this time period, i could have had the government annulling my marriage based not on the status of my love but instead on my sexual identity.

i don’t think it’s simply my inner-anarchist telling me how crazy that would be.

and yet that’s the reality faced by 18,000 couples living just south of my small island city.

i’m prompted to write about this after reading about the ongoing struggle against proposition 8 in the american state of california, and especially the firsthand experiences of bloggers who have been working for marriage equality. want more info on prop 8? i’m sending you to the No On 8 page over at Lesbian Dad, because even though the author calls it an “unholy mess”, it’s really the best reference i’ve found.

also, check out this video… which had me at hello because i love regina spektor, and then was still making me all weepy on the 27th viewing.

props to amanda for putting this up on her blog ages ago… i’m always late to the party!

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