my friend taggart took the above photo as i was heading off to the local community bike shop’s birthday party; she says she likes it cuz i look nerdy, but i like it cuz it looks as though i only have half a bike. where’s the front wheel?!
another friend and i had a falling-out a couple weeks back, and haven’t spoken since. which i’m pretty okay with, to be honest, cuz it was a stressful relationship and had been for a long time. so we haven’t spoken, but he sent me an email late last week, to tell me that my cell phone had called him when it was in my pocket (arg! i always forget to lock the keys!) and that he’d had some film developed and one of the rolls was mine.
strange… i *thought* i lost that roll at his house, cuz it was his cat’s birthday party when i changed the film in my camera. but we couldn’t find it, and i figured it had fallen out of my pocket when i was riding my bike home later that night. this was in september of 2005, and i’d given up on it. then yesterday, there i was, passing my credit card over to the clerk at lens and shutter, and flipping through an envelope of photos of myself, and my ex, and our trip to the chunkathalon chopper bicycle festival in portland.
it made me feel very odd, because it was really not that long ago, and yet my life is very different now. i have a home by myself, i’ve finished the classes for my degree, i work in an office as a web administrator, and i have a lot of friends whom i barely knew a year ago.
more importantly, i feel happy these days… and i can’t for the life of me remember if i was as content back then. i remember when things were pretty crappy last year, but i can’t recall when it all began to turn that way. was there a moment? or was it more gradual? clues could probably be found if i read my journal from the time, i know, but don’t really want to. instead i just look at the pics, and try to remember: what was i thinking? was i okay? could i have taken better care of myself back then and would that have prevented the sadness and frustration that came later?
it’s not that i’m regretful! i’m just waxing nostalgic, in a weirdly melancholic way… and i think these questions are important, because i want to do a better job of not repeating silly patterns.
when i get the time to scan them, i’ll post some of the chunkathalon photos: there were some *very* cool bikes at that festival, let me tell you.