CUE MUSIC: band – bouncing souls, song – kate is great

i went hiking the other day with my friends mat (“oldandmoldy”) and missy blue, an easy jaunt along elk lake and up bear hill. as usual, we spent most of the time talking about sex, cuz it’s a topic we both really love. it wasn’t just a bragging session though; we discussed a lot of theory about masculinity/femininity, and gender in general. good times; he’s the only close bio-boy i have left in my life these days, and our hikes together tend to be few and far between.

driving back to the city, mat asked me if i miss the straight world. cuz you see, when my former (bio-boy) partner and i broke up, i left my old social scene and got into chilling with the queers in a way i never had before. it was nothing new for me to be living in a queer house or going to queer events; but by virtue of being single, i was suddenly seen as another queer (as opposed to as a wannabe trapped in a het relationship? i don’t want to think about it). i went from that to dating my current romantic associate, a hot bike-obsessed genderfuckin’ genius. it’s not like i’ve left the straight world far behind me (cuz i can’t, not really; i still work in it, i still go to school in it, i’m still bombarded with it everywhere i look!), but i definitely have created a little bubble for myself.

so, do i miss it? when i think about my life then and my life now, and tally the things that are different between the two, it’s not a competition between the straight world and the queer one. what i actually miss is the anarchist world, the punkity-hippy-political community i was a part of during those years. i miss the posturing attitudes, and the grandiose plans that actually did come to fruition. i used to take it for granted that the people i hung out with had similar ideas about freedom, pooling resources, do-it-yerself… and i miss that. i love my current circle of friends, but it’s hard sometimes; i wonder what basis i have for relating to others, if not a shared ideology.

in a sense, i was already living in a bubble, back then. maybe even more than now.


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