…i really love rusty things.
(photos from tonight’s evening walk around town)
on a completely different topic, i’ve suddenly got a borrowed car arranged so that oats and i can go to the pride celebrations in our friends’ small town this weekend! it’s about a 3 hour drive away, and i’d thought we’d miss it, but things are working out. i’m stoked: having spent most of my life in toronto, and then in this city, i’m pretty used to pride festivals that are either huge and crazy or very full of ex-lovers, former roommates, and past collaborators from activist projects. the few times i’ve been to vancouver pride i’ve been weirded out by my anonymity, even though i know that most of those throngs are strangers to one another as well. this’ll be different though: i won’t know anyone except oats and friends, but the crowd will be smaller and more familiar to one another. will they welcome strangers? will they even notice that i am one? will there even be a crowd? do i have too many urban-centric ideas about what small towns are like?
should be an educational experience, even if it simply gets me to shut up and listen more.
also, there’s been talk of tubing down a river, which would be excellent because it’s stupidly hot.
an unexpected delight in learning the skill of pattern making is that it has shifted my concept of my body. when there’s no size 8 or 18, and you’re suddenly in desperate need of attaining a correct hip measurement so that future skirts don’t ride up and bunch near the waist, it’s hard to understand how any value judgments can be made about anyone’s shape. everything is reduced to the minutia of curves, lengths, and angles: the supposedly-standard ratios of hip-waist-bust have been tossed in the trash, and it’s all about capturing the uniqueness of ONE. SINGLE. BODY.
damn, i feel special.
for the most part, i’m very much so appreciative of my body, because it is strong and useful. however, it’s been a struggle, and i was bullied a lot as a kid for being fat (also being a snarky know-it-all did not help matters). these days, i try to be as mindful as possible about my attitudes towards my physical self, just to keep my attitude in check and stop any sparks of hate before they spiral out of control. usually i’m fine, but sometimes when i really need something like a pair of jeans or an outfit for an event, all shopping trips end in tears. i’m lucky to have grown up with a parent who helped me with my mad on-the-fly tailoring techniques, because clothing rarely fits me correctly.
the thing is, there were four other students in my pattern-making course, and though we are all very different shapes, they all said the exact same thing.
which makes sense, i know: if we want the affordability of mass-produced clothing, we need to make some sacrifices in terms of fit. the chances of a bought shirt fitting me perfectly are pretty fucking slim, because my body isn’t the same as whatever averages were chosen by the designer. obvious as this is, it’s something that i forget a lot of the time, or only frame in the negative:
“my body is all wrong, because it doesn’t fit these shirts.”
silly, hey? i know. but with a lifetime of that behind me, let me tell you how absolutely rad it was to spend a whole week never ever even thinking those words.
instead, i was only ever in crisis when i had it the other way around… and was cuing for the instructor’s assistance:
“arg!!! the ass of my trousers are going to be cupped like a bloody tulip because i still don’t understand how to angle the curves at the inseam!”
———–
want more opinions and ideas about the shapes and sizes of bodies? check out big fat deal!
the pattern making course is excellent, and also not what i was expecting. for some reason, i thought we’d be learning techniques for measuring and adjusting ready-made patterns so that we could then use them to sew better fitting clothing. the goal is still that, but we’re actually learning how to do away with commercial patterns altogether, and instead create basic forms specific to our measurements, which we can then use to make our own patterns from scratch.
it’s like learning how to to bake a cake using flour, sugar, baking soda etc. plus your favourite flavourings, after spending your whole life feeling unsatisfied by treats made from a boxed supermarket mix.
someday, i’m going to sew my butch the most perfect suit she’s ever known.
Filed under: Anarchist, Artist, Homebody, Scavenger, Student, Traveler, Worker
i didn’t get the 35-hour-per-week job. this annoys me, because my qualifications should have at least earned me a spot on the shortlist. however, aside from that, i’m feeling good about it, because there are so many other things i’d rather be doing than giving a large amount of energy to someone else’s project. though i believe in the overall aim of that specific organization, i don’t think i’d have felt satisfied by the role i’d have had to play. all the freedom of my last job spoiled me, even as it drove me a bit crazy.
with some of my own plans in mind, as well as the general idea that i’d be more employable in the sort of flexible contracts that suit me best, i’m considering taking a bookkeeping course at the college in the fall. this is also because i’m realizing that i’d do better if i stopped ignoring my interest in money, and instead try to harness it for useful things. all those years of knee-jerk anarchism have made me reluctant to understand the reality of capitalism, even as they’ve made me very confident in my DIY pride and belief that you don’t have to fuck others over to survive. i have this idea that i can hold true to the anarchism that anchors me, as long as i don’t try to hide my struggles with ethics, how our economic system works, and my place in it. or maybe that’s me trying to validate myself; i don’t know right now. but i’m okay with that.
i’m also a tightwad. had i mentioned this yet? fanciful sojourns in the southern hemisphere to the contrary, i’m all about pinching pennies… which is why i was thrilled to pick up this book at a vinnie’s today!
it was written in 1966, but seems appropriate for these financial times. i’m two-thirds of the way through it so far, and it’s a pretty good mix of common sense, interesting ideas, utter pretentiousness, outdated advice, and totally fucked-up sexist bullshit, with a good dash of class/race/queer ignorance thrown in for fun.
no, i will not rent out my spare room to a single working mother in exchange for her cooking my meals when she gets home from work every evening.
yes, i will research factory stores if i ever need to buy a… huh… well, something that’s made in a factory and that i might want to have new instead of secondhand. i can’t think of what that might be, but there’s probably something. toothpaste?
i have another obsession as of late, aside from being cheap and mocking everything. it developed when oats and i were in queensland, because though we’re not your typical shopoholics, we both love the chance beauty and good deals of the small town thrift store. somehow, i ended up getting overly fond of small tablecloths and silk scarves printed with commemorative australiana of one variety or another. you know: koalas… or a map of the northern territory… or common birds/wildflowers. though i suppose i like most retro kitsch, i hate filling my house with crap, so rarely buy it. there’s something about these pieces of fabric, though: they’re so well-made, and yet tacky, that i find them unbearably appealing…. especially cuz they’re usually $1 or less. oats was good enough to take my new collection home with her when she returned to canada on friday, creating more space in my own bag. i’m not aiming to fill it, but i have picked up three more pieces.
to be fair, this isn’t like my collection of bad nautical art (i <3 embroidered ships and seagulls, in plastic frames!), with which i intend to decorate my bathroom until the end of days. for these tableclothes and scarves, my plan is to sew cushion-covers and/or picnic blankets, some of which i’ll be able to sell or give away as gifts. if enough people like them, i might even try to do a craft fair or maybe etsy. i don’t really want a full-blown business, but it’d be nice to cover costs for the stuff i make for myself.
random pic... amazing little lizard at a local wildlife sanctuary, stuck to the glass of the enclosure.
it’s thursday and my roommates have gone out of town for a few days, so i have the house to myself. i’m celebrating with some cheap wine and an evening working on a web contract, cuz that’s the sort of classy dame i am. i am wearing lipstick, if that helps.
also, i ran 5.4 km today.
in other news, my beloved will be here in 17 days. we’ll be hanging out in melbourne for a couple of days, and then flying off to the city of brisbane (on the northern part of the east coast of australia). inspired by the desert adventures of the intrepid mae callen, as well as our desire to avoid the hassle that the binary-gendered dorms and washrooms of hostels could present to our non-binary-gendered selves, we’ve elected to rent a camper van for 12 days of coastal exploration.
oh fuck, i need to find out the rules for driving on the left.
after oats returns to canada, i’m here for one more week… during which i’ll be taking a course downtown, on pattern making! sewing patterns, that is. it’s a skill i’ve always wanted to learn, and what better way of spending this odd break i’ve taken from my regular life than pursuing such things? after that, i’m flying home, and will be staying with oats in her tiny apartment above the square. have no steady work lined up yet, except that my old volunteer job of working at the bike shop on sundays is turning into a paid gig… hurrah!
i’ll figure out the rest, i’m sure. really, i need to take a grant-writing workshop, because i actually have a *lot* of work… it just doesn’t come with any wages at the moment. that needs to change.
***UPDATE***
yes! i have help! oats, if you’re reading this, you’d better study up too!
i sent an email to friends back home, telling them when i’d be back and asking for job leads. a former co-worker sent me a hilarious response: it was a job posting for the position of director at the institute where i worked before i left. ha! damn, maybe i really should apply. in fact, all of us who used to work there should apply…
the weather has turned cold and has been a bit wet, though not as wet as it would be in the autumn if i were in my home city. after a volunteer shift at the community radio station (i’m working 3 hours each week as a receptionist – something i’m rather good at and actually enjoy immensely), i walked around fitzroy for a while, taking photos and contemplating my dissatisfaction. i have a good domestic situation, am feeling happily connected with family/friends in other parts of the world, have plenty of time to pursue my interests, and am in an interesting new city. i’m going crazy with missing my lover, but otherwise am doing well.
still, it can be hard to find the momentum to actually do all the stuff i could be doing. i’m a big one on inertia, and tend to accomplish more when i’ve got a busy schedule with a lot on my plate. that’s what i don’t have here. nobody knows me, and there are few demands on my time and talents. it’s an interesting state to contemplate, because being useful is such a huge part of my identity.
a good cure for the angsty ennui inspired by these contemplations?
good melbourne espresso… accompanied by some sort of rice ball (typical weird health food snack).
also, photography. that always improves my mood.
Filed under: Animal Lover, Artist, Bike Geek, Critic, Cynic, Friend, Gardener, Homebody, Queer, Student, Traveler, Worker
…written slowly and intermittently throughout my workday…
bicycle
despite all the photos that i’ve posted of her, what you’ve never known about nigella (my lovely 1972 raleigh single speed with coaster brake) is that she was noisy as hell. in the past couple years that i’ve had her, i hadn’t once opened up her bottom bracket, nor adjusted the cranks, and it was showing: every push on the pedals was generating the most embarrassing squeal. finally i couldn’t take it anymore, and i spent yesterday’s shift at the bike shop taking apart and rebuilding the whole thing. no surprise: the grease had hardened into chunks, and the central cylinder was full of sparkly crystals that disintegrated into black powder when i rubbed them between my fingers. i would bet that this was the first time that anyone had cleaned her out… in 37 years!!!
fortunately, the cups and spindle were okay. i replaced the bearings with new ones, and packed it all in smooth new grease. one of the cotter pins, which are the special bolts that attached the cranks to the bottom bracket spindle on old bikes like these, had to be replaced because the threads were crushed, but luckily we had some that were used and in good condition. all the new cotter pins in stock were too small (in diameter) for the holes in my cranks.
after all the scrubbing, replacing, regreasing, adjusting, and rebuilding of the bottom bracket, i spent a good 40 minutes on my chain. the recycl!st@s standard procedure for cleaning a chain is to coat it with oil and then wipe it down with a rag, repeatedly, leaving it on the bike the whole time. it’s not nearly as satisfying as dipping the chain in gasoline, like i used to do as a kid, but much healthier for all concerned. i used an old tooth brush (with oil on the bristles) as well as the rag, because the dirt was caked-on between the links. it never got shiny, but it now runs like a charm. in fact, the entire bike feels new… she’s smooth and easy and soooooooooo quiet.
sometimes it’s worth having a crappy ride if only so that you can truly appreciate the way it feels when every thing’s been fixed.
also, this is an excellent example of why you’re better off spending $200 on an old bike plus a mechanic’s time, rather than dropping it all on a c@n@dian tire special. not only will you get a bike that actually has some character, but you’ll also get something that will last for 30+ years and still function perfectly! it’s all about quality, my friends: they just don’t make (most) bicycles like they used to.
i’m thinking of going to the seattle international bike expo, march 14-15, along with my friend and mechanic-mentor, tri. it’d be our one last bout of serious bike-geeking together, before i head off to oz and she moves to the mainland. it’s so sad, and yet still so necessary.
school
last week i went to the info night for the trades programs at the local community college. the talk itself wasn’t very thrilling, but i got pretty excited in the campus bookstore, when i saw that the electrical program text is the provincial electrical code. that’s the kinda book i’d buy anyway, just because it’s fascinating. it was a good reminder for me: no matter how much i may be challenged by having 18-year-old boys as classmates, the fact remains that i love the topic.
the electrical foundation program is self-paced and new people start/end every month. at the start of the month, the teachers guess how many students will graduate at the end of the month, and that many people off the waitlist as then offered positions. so, i’d only have 1 month’s notice of starting school. also, once you’ve been offered a spot, you can only defer once before being put back at the bottom of the wait list. basically, i need to apply now. the neat thing about the program being self-paced is that it can be done in less time than the advertised duration of 6 months, which costs less since tuition is by the week.
if i decide to do this, these are my two coping mechanisms for dealing with the cost/time investment and the fact that queer femmy girls in trades get flack: 1) i will be a hardcore student, study a lot, and get through the program as quickly as possible, and 2) i will attend classes in character, based loosely on diane rigg’s emma peel in the avengers (1965).
house
i sent out an email to all my friends last week, about subletting my apartment. in response, i’ve received one phone call and one email, and both are from complete strangers. the person on the phone had received an email about it, but didn’t know from whom. the person on the email referenced seeing my “ad”, which is odd, because i didn’t place an ad. this makes me feel a little uncomfortable, but i *do* need to rent the place out… so tomorrow i’m showing it to the guy who called. the person who emailed is currently in ontario, which is unfortunate because he is a serious cyclist and so currently my preferred subletter of the two. i am easily biased.
in other house-related news, my landlady had her house broken into on friday and her computer stolen. she lives next door, so this is rather unnerving. still, i don’t own anything worth stealing, or at least from the perspective these local grab-and-go types: i doubt they’d notice the artwork on my walls.
art
this past saturday night i went to dinner at a friend’s house. knowing that there’d be a couple kids there, i grabbed some bags of beads and brought them with me. by “some bags of beads”, i mean tiny glass seed beads in at least 20 colours, tons of random fancy glass ones of all sizes, plus more made of wood, and all sorts of string: nylon, elastic, wire, leather, cotton, hemp. honestly, i didn’t even know *what* was in there, because it was given to me by someone ages ago and i’d never gotten around to going through it. i’m glad i brought it to dinner: all of us dinner guests, kids included, made each other necklaces and bracelets and rings. there was lots left over, and i told them to keep it. people are always giving me random art supplies that i’ll never use, and i’m pleased when i find good homes for them instead of letting them languish on my shelves.
pop culture
veronica mars s01e20 is crazily homophobic: veronica blackmails this horrible guy by making him seem queer, which ruins his plans to join the navy, and not once in the entire episode did anyone mention the injustice of the military’s don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy! instead, there was a general attitude of acceptance with regards to homophobia: it was left unquestioned, even as it was the basis of the plot.
yes, once again, i am disappointed by mainstream teevee. go figure.
farm
my upstairs neighbours and i are going to ask our landlady if we can get chickens, when i come home from australia. a coop and small run could fit next to my patio, if we cleared away some low-lying branches from the trees. the limit in our municipality is four hens, which would be more than enough eggs (at an estimated rate of 2 eggs/3 days per bird). we’re also planning on going big and experimental with our worm composting exploits. currently, i have a “castaway” bin, and they have a homemade multi-tiered worm condo that doesn’t always work too well: we want to put together something larger and most efficient, probably outdoors on one of our decks. hopefully it’ll combine well with the chickens, to provide them with extra protein and get rid of the bird manure. i’m stoked at the possibilities.
job
a coworker and i stopped to chat as we crossed on a path near our office, and were interrupted by a racket: a hummingbird, possibly an anna’s hummingbird, was sitting on the branch above our heads and chirping very lustily. it’s somewhat easier to cope with the dismantling of our projects and the disregard for the past several years of our labour when the sun is shining as it is today. somewhat.
i have developed a recurring spasm in the muscle below my left eye and am told that this sort of twitch is due to stress. ’nuff said.
[photo: not my bike! a schwinn cruiser, seen on the street in nyc, march 2008]
Filed under: Animal Lover, Artist, Critic, Friend, Music Lover, Punk, Radio Star, Scavenger
since em commented on my last post that all i show you are “teaser” photos, i thought i’d let you in on what you’re missing, with a nice zoomed-out shot: look! gamin is helping me with my sewing project!
mmmm, cat @ss…
i didn’t make the quilt: i just repaired it for a friend because the panels were coming apart. of course, once i had it in pieces, i decided to replace the cotton lining with some batting that i had laying around… i’ve *got* to use up all these art supplies, cuz i can’t bear to think of packing them up yet *again*.
with that in mind, i’m going through the clothes as well as the fabric and doing what i can. a dorky long skirt (100% wool, lined, only $12 @ value pillage in toronto! even my stepmom was impressed, and she’s totally creeped-out by secondhand clothes!) became a totally kickass short skirt, plus… this belated solstice gift for my bff –>
teh skillz, i haz dem.
while sewing, i usually watch/listen to bad teevee: i’ve just started into buffy. should i bother telling you how offended i am? the sexism, the uniform whiteness, the f*cked up cultural representations? no, you’ve heard it before. to think, all these years i thought i was missing out, and now i’m glad i skipped it the first time ’round.
critical analysis aside, what really bugs me is the music. was cool music in the 90s really that bad? last week my buddy c interviewed me on his radio show about what music has influenced me, and i said that it was my cheapness that had me first listening to old punk bands like the clash, because i could get their albums from the library or thrift stores. now i’m reconsidering this concept, because the music on buffy is so tedious and yet so familiar: it’s no wonder i got into punk.
it takes me forever to settle into a home. on one hand, if i know i’ll only live in a place for a couple months, i’m very quick to put up shelves and hang pictures in as practical and untroubled a manner as possible: cover the rough patches on the walls, ensure there’s a place for books near the bed, keep my clothes off the floor, make it look like someone lives there.
note that i write “someone lives there”, not “i live there”?
cuz really, for a place to be mine and really feel like it, i’ve got to stare at that blank wall above my bed for a good… oh, i don’t know, 5 months? in order to figure out what would fit perfectly. now that space features a lovely triad of framed photos from my collection of bicycle pics, but i’m not joking: i moved into this apartment in july, and the photos went up in december. they make me so happy, when i lay there and look up at them, or sit up leaning against the wall and see them reflected in the mirror across the room. i might have liked them just as much if i’d hung them in july, but i certainly wouldn’t have the same appreciation for the atmosphere they bring to my bedroom.
similarly: at the same time as i’m circulating emails in an attempt to find a subletter for when i go to australia, i’m finally finishing some house projects that have been ongoing since i moved in.
have i mentioned how huge my apartment is? it’s pretty big, especially for just one person. there’s a 16-foot-long wall in the living room, and from the day i first saw it, i have plotted to fill it with shelving. with $100 that i received from my parents for my birthday, i bought part of the roof of an old church hall that was being demolished, and had a couple carpenter friends run the boards through the planer at their shop (hurrah for carpenter friends!). these 1×8s are old douglas fir, dry and prone to splitting but handsome and still sturdy.
the vertical supports and the long horizontal pieces of the bookcase went up in august, and in september i put in lots of shelves at one end so that i could fill it from floor to ceiling with books. i wanted to do something interesting with the middle section, and finally, finally, finally! this past weekend, with special help from a special person and the loan of some drill bits from my neighbour, i put in short shelves floating on metal rods between the main horizontal supports:
i need more washers to finish it off, but still: i’m so excited about how beautiful and neat this looks. i love the combination of wood and metal, and the mix of old and new.
i can’t quite believe that i’m leaving in 11 weeks, and though i’m confident i’ll find a subletter, part of me doesn’t think i’ll be living in this apartment after i return in august… because opportunities arise, and times change, and i just don’t know. when i think about losing this space, i feel a little sad, because despite the length of time it has taken me to settle in, i’ve loved it very much. at the same time, these past months of attempting to make this apartment mine were also spent recovering from a breakup and figuring out what to do with my life. so, if i do end up living somewhere else, at least i can feel happy about having had such a nice home when i needed it most.
Filed under: Artist
hey, look! this blog now has a new year’s header, only 8 days late! considering that i still haven’t written nor sent the solstice cards that i so lovingly silkscreened last month, this is a serious improvement on my usual ability to do things on time. w00t!
[photo from new year's eve 2007/2008: ribbon around candle at a fancy dinner]
